The coverband was playing some Motley Crue,
"Girls, Girls, Girls...".
The drummer trying his best to imitate Tommy Lee never came close. Trying to toss his sticks up in the air was ended in him totally missing a beat as kids turn restless at the moment, finding it hard to figure out what the hell they were hearing. I can sense that they're not feeling good on "Dr. Feelgood" too.
"What the fuck, Man... Come on!" Says one kid wearing black eyeshadow and real tight fitting pants. I was wondering where or how does he hide his pair of balls on those, or if he's got a pair because I got a good look at his crotch and It's like there's really nothing in there.
The Cramps singer then comes to mind, how he's able to stick the microphone after it received a fellatio, up his ass and unto his tight leather jeans still bugs me. It's one of those many Rock N' Roll mysteries, right next to Spinal Taps disappearing drummers and the death of Elvis(there's this report of MIB's in Japan looking for the King on Elvis Conventions in Tokyo), that I found so hard to believe. You just have to see it happen.
I started thinking that what the kid doesn't know was Tommy Lee looks more fay and gay than he is or compared to those he's listening to nowadays. Tommy Lee totally rock the boat with Pamela on it harder, and I mean harder like he's really giving it to her.
"You suck just like the bands you like!" Iggy Pop once yelled at one concert goer, turning the supposedly chaotic atmosphere into church- like. I read about it and how I wish the cover band could holler back just like that. But then, who are they to make such statement? The guitarist can't even shred right or post right. He's got an awkward stance and that's a sin. Once you do a Crue song, give it respect. Especially "Girls, Girls,Girls" which is about getting laid. But for now, they just have to deal with it. So I deal with it.
It was around 1:00 AM. Halfway through the nights bill and there's a few more bands left before I see what I came to see. The ticket says it's gonna start at 10PM. It's already 1:18 AM but they're only halfway. Thank God I downed a couple of RedBulls before going out but then I ended up drinking three bottles more than usual. I felt my system messed up. Two red bulls are running with six red horses and I can hear them gallop inside my head. It's like Marlboro Country in there. I feel like I'm in Texas for no reason.
The place is pretty rad. It's bound to make you sweat, It's dim- lighted, has a small bar but with nobody sitting on it. It's like a madhouse with booze and cigarette smoke filling up the air. If There were any girls, you could easily mistaken them as high class hookers of which they are not. But I don't know, maybe some disguised themselves but that's one thing I'm going to find out. I cant help but noticed too this seemingly large fella beside the stage, he's got like a six packs of budlight, with only one left, bobbing his head, secretly enjoying the bands lousy renditions. He have this Faded Dragon tattoo on his left shoulder that's peeking out of his old Ratt T-shirt and he's sporting a real cool mullet, probably the most dangerous mullet I've ever seen at this side of town. It's not actually a mullet, it's more like a combination of Rat's Tail and a mullet and he has a beard too. He's like a cool version of Kenny Rogers. He knows every word and mumbles some of them on "Home Sweet Home".
He's just plainly making a night out of a supposedly short gig. Bobbing his head that made them mullet more cooler, fingers tapping on an empty beer bottle and for a while he looked at my direction. So I look away, maybe in his mind he's like "What's your problem, Pussy?!" and I'm afraid that he thought of me as gay or lame or something. So afraid too of this thought that he'd be giving me a wink then we would end up in his trailer. Me, tied unto his bed. Like a German Dungeon Scene. With all those straps and leathers. Metal is Leather and it's okay to be gay in Metal. At least if you're Rob Halford. But all in all it's still totally unacceptable. Metal up your beautiful leather Ass is still something unimaginable to say. If there's gay in Metal,the ratio would be like 1:100, or one in a million. Like some Brokeback Cowboy stuff and there would be no Metal Band singing or writing about it. There will be no Dave Mustaine tribute song for gaymetallers just like what Willie Nelson did.
When the time I took a glance he wasn't around anymore. Maybe he called it a night, hopped on to his Bronco and went home to polish his 12 Gauge Shotgun before going to sleep bloated and unkempt.That made me think about my own getting old stage too. About what would I be and will I still be able to continue rocking it out in the free world... Will I end up like that dude who stole extra time just to check out what's happening around the scene and then went back to the woodwork as fast as possible? There's just so many things that it made me afraid to think about it more. That's why I always avoid to criticize things I don't like in public because you'll never know when you get old you might end up actually doing it.
It was around that time when at last, SATHANUS came on stage. The band everybody's been buzzing about on the radio and around the scene finally arrived to put some sense out of this crappy night. It's time to find out how evil Sathanus is. As usual the stage went dim and the lights turn red with usual smoke effect to gave it a hellish atmosphere. They're Sathanus so it's just appropriate for them. By the time they're about to belt out the first song, I already have those devil horns up in the air. So hyper am I that I shouted together with more or less 30 people cramped in the front row those words I dont usually just said "Rock N' Roll!!!".
But what the fuck. Sathanus mellowed out. When the lights was turned on,I noticed that there's not a single leather found on any of the band members garment. Instead, they're all wearing khaki pants and slacks. The bassist has his long hair tied and the vocalist was smiling like he just came out of the delivery room and found out he was having a baby boy for the first time. Totally ridiculous,... But before anybody could throw tomatoes and beer bottles at them, they immediately proceed to some, shall I say, Gorgeous Rocking. The people was left in wonderment, jaws dropped and shoulders resting. They could not believe they were hearing Jazz. I found out that those noisy kids was gone too and so is those 30 plus people that was caught by surprised. When I tried to look around more, There I saw this bunch of Dockers-clad individuals and A&F Moms trying to make way and I'm in between them. It's like they were there hiding all the along, waiting and I'm not even aware of them. Maybe the kids saw what was supposed to happen that's why they left early, same with that dude.
Instead of hanging around I chose to ride home and catch a few hours of sleep. But I bet I wont have it, In my mind there's this thought of me all mellowed out but not in a way like how Sathanus showed it to me that night. I will surely submit but I'm gonna fight it. That's how Metal works and surely, maybe Sathanus is not a good fit and maybe it's time to take a listen and gamble at this Angel Band with golden hair and eagle wings because just like what everybody has been buzzing about, I heard they rock out more. But I don't know because as far as I'm concern it's still a gamble, well, everything is... And I will go on even on some nights just like these one. For how log? Well, I don't know. That's one thing I'm still going to find out.
-NoUseForAName
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